Unless you’ve been living under a rock, the first thing you know is that men and women handle Divorce differently. For a woman, Divorce is more than just the end of her marriage. It is more than finding an attorney and navigating the complex legal process that follows.
Getting Divorced is not just the process of separating yourself from your entire life as a married person. Divorce is an emotional roller-coaster that you have found yourself on, without any clue how, or when, it will end.
No matter how it feels right now, God is not lost to you. Even if you can't find your faith in yourself, allow yourself the grace to believe in God's faith in you. He has always been there, and will be there to lean on when you need Him.
1) Understand how you got where you are.
2) Keep the focus on Your desired outcome.
3) Find your path from where you are,
to where you want to be.
As your coach, I am not here to judge you, or the mistakes you've made. I am not here to make decisions for you, or tell you what to do. There is no one-size-fits-all plan. There are no preconceived solutions to your problems.
Face it, you're a woman. What you need more than anything is the support of another woman who has been where you are.
The reality is, I am not alone. According to the US Census Bureau, a full 50 percent of marriages in the United States end in Divorce. Make no mistake; I don't have the inside track on Divorce, I just have more experience than I ever thought I would.
When I was in the sixth grade, the teacher asked for a show of hands of who wanted to go to college. Everyone raised their hand but me. The teacher gave me a concerned look and inquired what I wanted to do instead of going to college. I told her I was going to get married and have children. At that, the other kids burst out giggling. One particularly nasty little boy even shouted:“who would want to marry you?” I guess I showed him. Twice!
As fate would have it, I did go to college and graduated with a degree in Psychology. I was in a rush to get on with my life. I was going to get married and have kids. I believed that it was possible to have it all. And more importantly, I believed I could have it all, I wanted it all right now!
Enter ex-husband number one. Neither one of us seemed to notice how quickly our relationship fast-tracked into marriage. Our marriage was doomed from the beginning. I got married for the wrong reasons. By the time our son was born, things had already begun to unravel. By the time our son was two, our marriage was over.
I moved out and into my own little apartment. I filed for Divorce. It was granted within ninety days. There I was, barely twenty-five, Divorced, raising my son alone, with no clue what I was supposed to do next. For six months my time was divided between my job and taking care of my son, then two and a half.
Enter ex-husband number Two. I was vulnerable, and he was the man for me. He said he wanted to be married and live the family life; he said he wanted kids, five to be exact. We were married within a year. The first six or seven years of our marriage were good. We were young; we bought our first house, we were raising two beautiful boys, and financially struggling. We were living the American dream. On the outside, life could not have been more perfect. After fifteen years of marriage,we had it all. And yet as a couple, we were struggling.
My second Divorce took over a year and a half . We fought over everything. My youngest son, his son, was as close to a casualty of our war as a child could be. My husband believed our son not only had the right to choose a side in our Divorce but should choose his side. With our son caught in our tug of war for his love, I did the only thing I could do; I let go of my end of the rope. Losing my relationship with my son was the single most difficult loss I have ever faced.
There I was, in my forties; still half a continent away from my family, trying to put my life back together. After my first Divorce, I was Dented. After my second, I was broken. I wanted to believe that the best years of my life were yet to come. With the support of my amazing friends, and 100's of other women along the way, I not only Survived nt Divorce, but learned how to re-create a life that I am proud to live